


I Don't Want to be Different Anymore (I Want to be Yours)

by orphan_account



Series: The Non-Chronological Chronicles of Pip & Theo [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bad Poetry, ENTIRELY FLUFF, F/M, Fluff, Pip is such a cinnamon roll, Pip's got a slam poetry thing, Theo loves dat boi, but pretend it's good, only fluff, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 15:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7444600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Normally before Philip has a slam poetry night, he uses everyone he knows as a sounding board/editor/test audience. </p><p>But he didn't for this one and Theo's determined to find out why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to be Different Anymore (I Want to be Yours)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so bad at poetry plz no h8
> 
> This is set before I'll Make A Million Mistakes. 
> 
> References to some things that haven't happened yet, but will be explained in due time. 
> 
> Also some references to depression a tiny tiny bit (it's mostly implied) but please be careful I worry about you children.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"I just want to get there on time."

"Well, I'm ready. Let's go."

"Autobots, roll out!"

"You fucking nerd."

**

Philip clasped his girlfriend's hand tightly as they strolled down the Manhattan sidewalk, the sun just beginning to set.

"Hey, don't worry, okay Pip? I know you'll be fantastic."

They were headed to a poetry slam where Philip would be performing.

"I'm just really freaked out," he replied. "This one's a big deal. All the press people are gonna be there."

"Just focus on me."

"But what if my poem's awful? What if I forget it? What if I fuck it up-"

Theo stopped him, stepping in front of him so they were face to face.

"Hey. I am completely confident in you as a person and as a poet. You're always like this before a performance, and you always do great."

"Thanks," he said, visibly relaxing. She resumed her place next to him, and they continue to the venue.

"Of course, I'd be even more confident in you if I had already heard the poem," she teased, grinning.

He shook his head and pecked her on the lips. "Not this one. Sorry, babe."

**

Philip had tuned everything out, up until now.

Normally, he was incredibly attentive during poetry slams, clapping and cheering for all the very talented people there, but today, he couldn't do anything other than freak out.

This one was different.

This one was special.

This one had press coverage.

He wasn't sure why. Apparently the New York Times wanted to see if he was actually as talented as the poetry blogs said he was.

He was also slated dead last, which added to his growing anxiety.

The emcee was calling his name.

It was go time.

Theo squeezed his hand before letting it go, and he made his way to the stage, to much applause.

As he stood behind the mike and his hands fell down to his sides, he made quick eye contact with Theo, who nodded and mouthed "Go Pip!" with a smile.

He took a deep breath and began reciting the poem he had written months ago, that no one else had ever heard.

"My whole life,  
I've had a fear of one thing  
I never wanted to be a cliché.  
I wanted people to say  
"Hey, he's different. He's special."

And my whole life, I've been different.  
My first word was porcupine.  
I could play baseball,  
Sing, and write rhymes.  
My best friend was my little sister  
And we had the the best times.

I had long hair,  
Would wear skirts when I wanted  
Didn't care what people thought  
As long as they thought  
I was different.

And you were always there, too.  
You'd play with me  
Our dads didn't like each other  
But our moms were cool with it.

Then, we moved,  
and I missed you,  
But you faded away into the pages of my memory  
Like a dream or a scene  
From a movie.

When I met you again,  
We were all grown up.  
And I fell in love,  
But I was out of luck,  
Because our fathers were angrier  
With each other  
Than ever before.

I didn't care  
And threw caution to the wind  
Because I wanted to be with you  
Even if I was just  
Your friend.

And then one night,  
Tears rushing down your face,  
You told me you loved me.  
And I cried too,  
Because I was so head over heels  
For you.

We became even closer than before  
And our dads were pissed.  
But I didn't care about that,  
And went on loving you.

And you saved my life  
When you crawled in my heart  
And set up a blanket fort.  
Because I finally  
Felt like I had someone  
To live for.

You told me that I saved you, too.  
But I didn't believe it,  
Because you were too perfect  
For someone like me.

Someone like me,  
Who was falling apart at the seams  
Who couldn't keep himself together  
Who didn't want to live anymore.

But because of you,  
I'm hopeful.  
Because of you,  
I'm graduating top of my class.  
Because of you, all this is happening tonight.

Because of you,  
I'm here today.

So, I'm dedicating every day to you.

And I might be the biggest cliché now,  
Because I'm the boy who fell in love  
With the girl he wasn't supposed to.  
But I don't care.  
You've wiped away all my fears  
Except the fear of losing you.

Yeah, I'm dedicating every day to you  
And I'm glad to  
Because you are the best thing  
That ever happened to me.

And I'm definitely the biggest cliche,  
Because all my poetry is about you now.  
And you're most certainly my muse.  
And I could describe you for years,  
Talking about how your beauty  
Makes me see beauty in the rest of the world  
Because you shed light on everything,  
Even in the darkness.  
Talking about how  
You are the kindest  
And the funniest  
And the smartest  
And the best person I have ever met.  
And how my day gets better  
At the mere sight of you.

You have made me be  
The best person I could be  
And the person I am today  
With your late-night study sessions  
And your spontaneous movie marathons  
And the way when a song you like comes on,  
You wear that huge, genuine smile  
That you save for when  
you're looking at me.

I don't want to be different anymore,  
I want to be yours."

With that last line, he was met with thunderous applause, the most he'd ever received. The audience rose to their feet, but he didn't notice. He was focusing on Theo.

She was crying, and he felt terrible, but then she grinned at him, and he smiled back and bowed.

After several minutes of applause, he bowed one last time, then returned to his seat. Theo stood and walked towards him, meeting him about halfway. She caught him in a tight hug, and he hugged her back, just as tight. The audience began clapping again.

"I love you," Philip said softly into her neck.

"Fuck you, Pip, I'm crying," she replied. "I love you, too. So much." After a moment of silence, she added "You're so getting laid tonight."

He laughed and pulled away. He turned in the direction of their previous seat, but she grabbed his hand.

"C'mon. Some people came to see you."

Philip followed as she walked to the very back of the room, which seemed to be entirely overcrowded. Upon seeing him, they all started cheering, and he blushed.

Gathered there was his entire family. Parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and "cousins," who were actually the children of family friends that were considered to be family.

"I thought you guys said you couldn't come!" he said, grinning.

"Well, Pippy, we all lied to you. Get over yourself," said Angie, who rose to hug him. "Also, I'm angry at you for making me cry."

"I feel terrible!" he replied. "I made people cry! I'm an awful person, god."

"Hell nah, Pip," said Will, taking Angie's place. "Feel good. It was amazing. Everyone over here was crying."

He made his way through the ranks, hugging and kissing family and friends, until he sat down at the head of the table (which had been reserved for him), laden with several lipstick marks on his cheeks and his two-year-old sister Lizzie in his arms. The group stayed there, laughing, talking, and congratulating Philip, until the youngest kids were asleep and the Hamiltons had to leave. Everyone else took that as their cue and soon followed suit, getting out only a few minutes before the coffee house closed.

Theo squeezed Philip's hand the whole way home, stopping to lean up and kiss him at every crosswalk.

**

The next morning when Theo checked her phone, she had a flood of social media notifications, filled with pictures of Philip, stories and videos about the performance, and people linking her to even more.

She looked over to where he was still asleep and smiled to herself, as she clicked on a link to a series of photos that were taken during the performance. As she scrolled to the bottom, she found one taken while they were hugging, impossibly close, Philip's eyes shut tight, her back to the camera.

She smiled again and saved it, then posted it on Instagram.

The caption read:

 **@the_big_O** So, so proud of him. Truly honored to be what he called the inspiration for this beautiful poem. Truly humbled that those words were for me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this beautiful person *three heart emojis* @p_ham

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. im so sorry you had to read that awful poetry plz forgive me


End file.
